Okay so here is what I did.... THAT WORKED
I bought this flasher
http://www.banggood.com/DYS-V2-USB-Linker-For-The-ESC-Programmer-To-Flash-BLHeli-Bootloader-p-1020339.html?rmmds=myordersays it works for my escs, not sure about others.
I downloaded the newest blhelisuite
https://blhelisuite.wordpress.com/ (
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/dx6kfaasyo24l/BLHeliSuite)
You are suppose to connect the signal wire and ground wire (guess you do need the ground wire fml gotta solder them back on...)to the usb bootloader (I heard not to connect the red power lead if you have a bec esc.
Once you are connected you power up the esc and plug everything in to the pc (order doesnt matter)
Now you go to blhelisuite and with this bootloader go to "Select Atmel/Silabs Interface" and Click option 1 Atmel Blheli Bootloader (USB/COM)
Many bootloaders apparently use option 4 (maybe 5) but this one NEEDS option 1 (not a).
Now at the very bottom of the program select the com port (it should have a name) and leave the baud rate (I think it is 19200)
Now making sure the esc is powered up click connect and it should take max 10sec. It might show a popup telling you to power on the esc so make sure it is powered up and the wires are correctly plugged into the bootloader.
Then it should connect, MAKE SURE TO CLICK READ to load your default settings.
Then next to com click flashblheli and select the closest software (and the newest one) my esc had 14.4 and I flashed 14.9
Although I have 30a esc I flashed the 20a software (it doesnt matter) just find the most similar esc.
Now click save and change any settings then unplug and repeat for all other escs.
This fixed my problems, but I also noticed that without props on the motors still spool up a little at low throttle, this is the copter trying to stabilize and find out what is level (without props the motor will keep increasing usually) so I threw my props on and trusted it and boom, it works.